After some conversations with a friend of mine we were able to determine that she is much better at the whole self-knowledge thing than I am. Using Gardner's terms, she excels in intrapersonal intellegence and I have always been more of an interpersonal intelligence sort of girl. In Brain Rules, John Medina looks at the Theory of the Mind (the ability humans develop in effort to understand what is going on inside of other humans: basically, our mind reading abilities) and suggests that what may be a strong determining factor for good teachers is an advanced Theory of the Mind and the circumstances (ie. small classes) that allow for them to put it to good use. In other words, as annoyed as I can be with myself and how poorly I seem to know myself, at least I am going to be a good teacher because I have found yet another strength to match my chosen career.
On a slightly related note--
I was gone for a long weekend on a road trip to Colorado. I visited my oldest friend and her husband, driving with a guy I've known for a couple years, but only became actual friends with recently. It was a little awkward for a good number of reasons, one being the husband is not shy about the fact he wants to get me in bed (with his wife there, of course) and another that everyone just assumed that this guy and I were an official item. It didn't quite seem worth it to explain that as soon as we got back from the trip we wouldn't even be talking all that much--we're going to stay in touch as random friends, but regular texting conversations are pretty much at an end because we are at completely different places (abstractly in life and geographically on a map).
But the main thing is that there were a ton of things I didn't tell him even though there were a surprising number of fairly personal stories we talked about. See, this was the first time that I had anything close to a summer fling. The first time I let anyone get at all close to me without knowing practically everything about them in a really long time (for all intents and purposes, the first). And I realized how far I sometimes go in order to accommodate other people. I haven't really felt like I was changing who I was, or creating some sort of facade, or anything like how you feel in high school because part of me was like whoever I was behaving like. But what I realized is that, while part of me is like that, if that is the part that tends to be let out while I'm with other people most of the time, that means I spend more time with just that part than the rest of my parts. And therefore the slightly flaky, non-opinionated part of my personality is slowly taking over. The part that just laughs and tries not to ignore all the guys staring at me. The part that has to dress so guys stare at me in order to feel pretty. The part that just goes with the flow, even if that means drinking a little and accepting plastic bags at the store. The part of me that just stands around watching people play poker instead of leaving them all behind to enjoy myself on the dance floor.
I realized when I got home that, yeah, that is a part of me, but it sure isn't much--and I'm letting it run the show? How ridiculous is this? So I'm trying to get to know myself a bit better--I want to ground myself in the values that I actually find important and not just getting along with people. My ability to get along with practically anyone (my oldest brother is a notable exception) is important to me, but I need to focus a little more on creating myself as who I wish to be more consciously so I don't feel I lose my center when I hang out with people on a more superficial level.
I'm going on another trip, this time to Buffalo, NY for about 2.5 weeks. I'm going with a roommate from college, someone who shares more of my values than the people I've been hanging out with lately and with whom I can talk about this stuff. I'm thinking it is going to be a good trip.
Plus, I should have time for lots of reading!!
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